Welcome to Hell

I know its been forever since my last post. To be honest, its hard to find the time to do anything let alone keep up on the blog. But at the request of many, i will do my best to keep pouring out my feelings on this imaginary piece of paper. 

Theres been many ups and downs since my last post. We had a few scares here and there. Kenzie ran a fever for 4 straight days back in April, but luckily Misty was able to break them. 

We had to skip chemo for 2 weeks because kenzie's blood counts dropped to much and the docs were afraid if they gave her the usual dose, it would mess her up pretty bad. 

But overall Kenz is a champ. Shes been going on long walks almost every day. Shes had way more energy then most 3 yr olds. And shes made it through her treatment without complaining once. 

So today... We go to hell. It almost feels like the biblical kind of hell. Its hot (100 degrees in Sacramento today), theres torture, and you have to watch your loved ones being controled by this evil being (cancer). 

Im not trying to make this a pity party type of blog (i have been accused of that on other posts). I guess its just my way of relaying how it feels to ME. 

As i write this post, were sitting at UC Davis for McKenzies treatments. I made treatments plural because she has alot going on today. 

We left Tahoe at 6:45am to try and make it down here by 9am since she had to have a heart echo done. The reason for this is because shes starting a new medication today that can cause heart murmurs, palpatations, and complications. We have to do this every 2 years for the rest of her life now. 

Well...we made it to the heart doctor finally at 9:45am. Almost an hour late. See, what happens every time we drive down the hill to come to Sac is Kenzie throws up. Partly because of car sickness and partly because of treatments. So we had to pull over a few times so she could throw up (once on her  brand new summer dress). 

The good news is that we made it. And that her heart checked out perfect (whew). Now she is sitting in her chair at the chemo center, getting her usual chemo injected into her port, along with a brand new chemo. A stronger chemo. A more "side effect" chemo. 

Today she starts Phase 3 of her treatment.....Hell phase. Not only does she recieve this new harsher chemo for 8 weeks, but also starts the medication that can cause the heart problems, goes back on her steroids, and has a spinal tap today. 

Side note: Since the start of all of this she has had 7 spinal taps, 6 platlet transfusions, and more blood transfusions then i can remember (around 12 im guessing).

We met with our doctor last week to discuss this phase of her treatment. He told us this was going to be the hardest part. Not only on her, but us as well. They have kinda done Kenzies treatment backwards from most patients. Usually you start with the hard part first and then go to the easy stuff. With her they did the easy stuff first, and now we go through the hard stuff (personally i thought the easy stuff was hard enough already...thus....HELL)

So after our meeting with the doctor, Misty and I left with tears in our eyes. This whole time we've been so happy because Kenz really hasnt got that sick and hasnt lost her hair. But thats because they hadnt started her harsh stuff yet. So now...both of those things will change. She will get extremely sick after these chemo sessions. She WILL lose all of her hair within a week from today. And she will balloon up from the steroids again. 

This will go on for 8 weeks. 8 full weeks of hell. Her birthday is on June 25th and she wont be able to make her hair all pretty, have a party with all her friends, and most likely not be able to get out of bed. And they pushed back the date they think she will be allowed to go back to school. Now were looking at the end of September. Oh and the lovely state of California has denied mine and Misty's family leave act payment. So i will not get any money for the month i had to take off work (and every friday since) and Mit has not and will not get a paycheck since Jan 18th. 

Just adds to the rest of bad shit thats happened. But the main thing is that Kenzie is still in remission and she is getting better. One day i will have my healthy, happy, cancer free daughter back. And then we can say goodbye to hell and welcome back heaven. 

P.S. For those of you in the Tahoe area...a great contractor in the area recently got into a really bad accident. His name is Tyson and he really is an amazing person. He's currently recovering at Renown in Reno. Please say an extra prayer for him and his family, and if you could make a donation to them, im sure they could really use it. From what i understand, Tyson will have to be in a wheelchair for no less then 6 months. Check out Team Tyson on youcaring.com for details. 

Until next time...we love you all. 

How to Make a Grown Man Cry

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.
- Marcus Aurelius

Im begining to think that everytime something good happens in my life...there is something else waiting around the corner to make me sad again.

We went to UC Davis for Chemo treatments on Friday the 8th. I had been waiting patiently (not really all that patiently) for her lab results to find out if the treatments were working and that Kenzie was in Remission. Ive had dreams about it nearly every night when i was finally able to sleep. And in my dreams, she was happy and healthy and Leukemia free.
We got the results we were hoping for. It wont be an absolute positivity until we do a bone marrow draw in two weeks, but atleast they couldnt see any Leukemia in her blood draw or from the lumbar puncture.

For the first time in nearly two weeks, i let out a sigh of relief and felt "happy". Im so proud of my little girl for being such a fighter. And in all honesty, if you never met McKenzie, you might not think shes sick at all. Shes pale, but hey its winter...were all a little light skinned these months. Shes got chubby cheeks and a little belly for the first time since she was born (thanks to the steroids and her uncontrolable appetite these days). She lacks energy and doesnt really want to get out of bed, but people would probably just think she had a cold. Hell even i have a hard time believing shes got this horrible disease running through her veins.

That is....until Saturday afternoon.

McKenzie used to love taking baths. She would play in the water until her whole body looked as wrinkled as a 90 yr old woman. It didnt matter if the water was cold. She would play and play until being forced to get out.
Since the Leukemia reared its ugly face, that has all changed. She hates it now. I dont know if its just because shes afraid of her bandages falling off, or if she doesnt want to get her port wet, or the fact that most days she doesnt want to get out of bed for any reason at all. She just hates it. She'll cry and tell me she just doesnt want to take a bath and tell me her feeties dont smell bad. But i had to give her one on Saturday (her feeties DID smell that bad).

I got her water ready. Not to hot. Not to cold. I put her in the bath and washed her like i always do. We giggled that her belly button was starting to stick out a little bit since her belly is growing. And i scrubbed those little feet until i knew they were smell free. It was all going ok.

Then it was time to wash her hair. Her long beautiful hair. I started with her shampoo. Lathered it up in my palms and ran my hands through her curls. Its always kind of fun to clean her hair because when the shampoo is on her head, you get to see how long her hair really is. We rinsed her head off. Me telling her "head back" as i always do. With my hands still a little soapy, i grabbed the conditioner and put a dime sized drop onto my hands. I ran my hands through her hair once again to make it silky smooth. Same routine we've done so many times.

Then i heard... "Daddy whats wrong"?

Im not really sure how much time had passed between me rinsing her hair and her asking me that question. I was just frozen. With tears streaming down my face. Staring at the beautiful strands of hair that were intangled in my fingers. No longer attached to her head. But wrapped around my fingers like a spider web.

Of course i wiped the tears from my face and told her everything was perfect. That i was just crying because of how absolutly beautiful she looked. But inside, my heart was throbbing. Ive been holding onto the hopes that she wouldnt lose her hair. That she could keep the thing that made her feel comfortable while this disease was hurting all of her body. And now those hopes were being sucked down the drain of the bathtub.

Brushing her hair was just as hard. As a guy that chooses to shave his head, im not that great at doing her hair. I can do pony tails, buns, and the occasional braid if im feeling confident that day. But that confidence is gone now. Im terrified that the more i brush, the more that comes out. And it does. Even putting her hair into a quick ponytail left strands all over my hands.

So just when i think everything is going right and im floating on cloud 9... I get knocked back down to earth and realize this is far from over. The tears are far from drying up. And my princess is far from giving up.

The hardest part of this whole thing for me is knowing i cant do something ive done for the past three years. I cant just kiss the boo-boo and make it all better. But what i can, and will do, is kiss her everyday. And that my friends...will make both of us all better.

I love you McKenzie Rose.

Home is where the Heart is

You hear the expression alot, "Home is where the Heart is". But for my family it has become so true.

UC Davis was great to us and im glad we decided to go there. Im just so happy we are finally out of there and back to what were familiar with. Our home. Our town. Our friends. That expression has a whole new meaning for us. Its not just our house. Its South Lake Tahoe...and everyone in it. Its our work...and co workers. And its our bed...and dogs we've missedso much.

It felt weird driving away from Sacramento. A place we had to call home for 2 weeks. A place were good news and bad news came from every angle. And a place where we were treated like family while we were there. Unfortunatly we will be back way to soon. Every week for the next 9 months. But its for a good reason...to help McKenzie stay on the path to 0%. 0% of Leukemia and 100% of being a kid again.

Theres no greater feeling than driving over Echo Summit and seeing the Lake open up. Seeing the airport in the distance. And trading green grass for white snow. Locals are probably the only ones that get that tingle in your heart when you see it. Wether you've been gone for 1 day or 2 weeks.....theres nothing quite like it.

Its a little scary being this far away from the hospital. Theres so many things that could go wrong and so many things we have to be careful of. If she gets a fever, we have to rush to the hospital. If she gets a cold, its to the hospital we go. If one of US gets sick, we have to keep our distance from her. And we've had to put a bottle of hand sanitizer in every room of the house.

But atleast were here. Home. In Kenzies comfort zone. Not being woken up by doctors and nurses every half hour. Close to all the people we love. And close to where our heart is.

Kenzies Lab Results:
As of Friday...
Red Blood cells - 10.4
White Blood Cells - 1.0
Platlets - 40
Leukemia Cells - 3%

She had Chemo on Thursday and another Spinal Tap on friday. We wont get Lab results back until next Friday... So hopefully because she had Chemo again, we will get to the 0%.
Thank you for all the continued support and prayers.

Until next time. We love you all.

The story of How:

Ive been asked a few times how we figured out that Kenzie had Leukemia. So i thought id light the campfire, get the marshmellows out, and tell yall the story of How.

McKenzie has always been a very picky eater. Her favorite food by far is Chicken Nuggets. And on most nights it didnt matter if i had made the best steak in the world... She would want Chicken Nuggies instead.
But over the week leading up to all this, she hadnt really had an appetite. She would maybe take a couple bites of dinner on her own before id eventually have to force her to eat more. So it was a little strange, but not a complete red flag yet.

As the week progressed, she started to lose the color in her face a little and wasnt as happy as she usually is.
Side Note: McKenzie is definitely my child. I know this because i am by no means a morning person. If Meeks would let me start at 10am, id be a happy guy.
Kenzie hates mornings. She hates to wake up, hates getting dressed, and trys to hide under the covers. We literally have to turn on all the lights and tickle her to get her awake. And then once she is awake, she doesnt want anyone to talk to her for atleast an hour. Debbie (her daycare owner) can atest to that.
So back to the story: usually after an hour or so at daycare she would be bouncing off the walls and running around with her friends Isabella and Tyler. But Debbie told us she wasnt like that on Wed. She was just kind of lathargic. Every kid has there off days just like adults. So again, no major red flags.

Kenz started Dance class at Mrs. Marcias Shinning Stars this year and absolutly loves it. Dance runs in the family (my mom and sister Jessica own a dance studio in Michigan; my sister Jenny was in dance back when they called it pom pons and was also on the Michigan State Motion Dance team in college; Jessica also danced for the Detroit Pistons and was a stage Dancer for Boys II Men at a Detroit Lions Thanksgiving game; my sister Julia has won every award imaginable in competitions and is by far the best dancer of the family; my sister Amanda crushed it at every reciteal i saw her in; and even yours truley took dance as a little lad (and i can still do a mean toe touch)) so she jumped into it head first and never looked back. She likes it so much that she made me start taking her 2 days a week instead of 1 day every week like at the begining of the year. So on Wednesday when we took her to dance and she didnt want to dance, it concerned us. I thought she was maybe just getting tired of dance at first, but then we started peicing it all together.
We thought we'd give her one more day to see if she just in a funk, or if it got worse.
Thursday we woke up and she was even more pale. Same story at daycare...no energy. Then at home she was in "I want Daddy" mode. So we agreed that she needed to go to the doctor on Friday.

Misty took her in at 1:30 on Friday to see Doctor Brooks Martin at Tahoe Family. He thought that she was just Anemic and told Mit she might need a blood transfusion. So i met them at the Barton E.R.
They drew some blood and checked her vitals. At that point we were terrified that she might have to have a transfusion...but we thought that was the worst of it. When the doctor came into the room, he instantly did a double take when looking at Kenzie. He sat down and asked us when we first noticed she was pale. Then he said something ill never forget. "I'm going to tell you that i dont believe she is just Anemic. Were sending her blood off to the labs to have some tests run. And were going to be checking her for Leukemia. We should have the results back in an hour or so, and i will come back and let you know".

I kept thinking to myself, theres no way she has that. Hes just telling us the worst case scenario. Shes gonna be fine. This doesnt happen to my family.

The Doc came back into the room 15 minutes later and sat down. I was screaming inside my brain "Dont you dare tell me she has it. Dont you dare lie to me and tell me my baby has THAT"!
He told us he didnt have to wait for the results to come back. He was 99% sure she had Leukemia because of how low her Red blood cells were and how high her White cells were.

I wanted to throw up. Throw up my heart because it was stuck in my throat. I didnt want to believe what he said. I wanted to wait for the results and for that doctor to come apologize and tell us he was wrong and was sorry. But that didnt happen. The results came back. He was right. The ambulance was on its way to take her down to UC Davis to start treatment.

The rest of that night was pretty much a blur. I went and got some clothes for All of us and fed the dogs. I called my parents and my sister Jen and cried over and over again. By the end of the night my eyes hurt and i was dehydrated from crying so much.

Misty and Kenz rode down to UC Davis in the ambulance. I drove the truck down right after the ambulance pulled away from the hospital. I have no idea how long it took me to drive down, what music was playing, or who i talked to on the phone. Alls i could picture was my pale babys face, and the word Cancer floating around in my brain. By the time i got to UC Davis, they were already in the room and had the IV going. The last thing i can recall from that night was kissing McKenzie on her forehead and passing out from complete exhaustion.

A few days later i created this blog your reading today at my sister Jen's request. And that brings us to right now.

So thats the story of How. Doctors still cant pinpoint what the exact cause of A.L.L. is. And at this point it doesnt really matter to me. What matters is my daughter is beating this nightmare, and soon we will all wake up and this horrible dream will be over with.

P.S. Kenz had chemo again today. Took it like a champ. Labs came back and her Red Blood is at 10.4
White Blood is at 1.0
And platlets at 40.
No results from Leukemia % until tomorrow morning. So i will post it when i get it. Hopefully it will be a big fat zero and we can all shed tears of joy.

Until next time..... I love you all.

Who would have thunk it?

Today... Wednesday the 30th... We were set free. Free from hospital beds and a tiny fold out chair bed. Free from being woken up by nurses and doctors every 1/2 hour. And free from the constant reminder that my daughter is sick.

The Doctors came in this morning to let us know that Kenzies lab results were back and that because she was doing so good, we were being discharged from the hospital. Her Red Blood count held strong at 10.4 and her Platlets went down just a little bit to 40 which still isnt to bad. But its the last number i care about the most. Her Leukemia levels went down to 3%! And just like i said from the begining of this blog.... My daughter is battling and beating this "C" word.

We still havent left Sacramento because we have Chemo tomorrow and a Spinal tap on friday. So there was really no point to us driving all the way back to Tahoe just to have to come right back. But atleast we are not in that hospital room anymore. My baby can lay next to me on a normal bed. And maybe...just maybe...we can get a full nights rest.

It took a good 2 hours to pack up everything from the hospital room and transfer it to the hotel room. With the amount of presents Kenzie recieved over these last 12 days, we barely have enough room for us in the car. So thank you to everyone who sent us stuff.

Greg, Chantel, Borja and Mason...thank you for your letter and pictures. Kenzie has had them hanging on her wall ever since. And with the comments on the blog as well as the letter you wrote (i can tell a lefty wrote it lol) it really boosted my spirits this past week.
We also got tons of pictures from Kenzies daycare, an awesome Frog stuffed animal from Haylee (one of kenzies daycare buddies), coloring stuff from Debbie and Mistys parents, and cards from family members and friends.
One of Kenzies favorite gifts she got was from my Dad and Liz. There these cute puppy slippers that are the most comfortable things kenzie has put on her feet. She hasnt taken them off since. And my Dad also sent Kenz some Dora and Spongebob DVD's which has helped keep her distracted from all the doctors and nurses bugging her. Dad and Liz...thank you so much for everything. The box you guys sent has been utilized more than i could express through words. And Dad... Thank you so much for sending me money for a head shaver. I was going insane from not being able to shave. Seriously. And people were starting to think i was a sacramento bum trying to sneak into the hospital or something. So Thank you all again for everything you've done for all of us.

Id also like to mention something i dont know a whole lot about at the moment, but hope to find out soon. All that i do know is that my co workers Jimmy G and Denise are putting together a fund raiser for Kenzie at the American Legion in South Lake Tahoe on March 1st. Ive heard (cannot confirm yet) that Lira's Supermarket has offered to donate food, American Legion to donate a portion of drink sales and the $5 entrance fee, and Meeks Lumber to donate Tools or something for the silent auction that is to be held there. Anyone that would like to be involved or has questions about it can contact Jimmy G at 530-544-6335 or Denise Alarcon at 530-577-0550. I cant thank you guys enough for putting this thing together. You and the people donating on my daughters behalf are why we live in this town. We love you guys with all our heart and cant tell you how much this will really help us. Its one less stress that i have to have. So thank you.

And all the messages from people in New Baltimore, Lake Tahoe, Michigan, Vermont, and all over the world...i love you guys. You've helped me through this. All of you. Im blessed to have all of you in my life.

Im not sure why i got all sentimental on this post tonight. Maybe its because i feel a huge relief after seeing my daughter playing in the hotel room tonight and laying next to her in bed as we speak. But either way, i needed to say it.

Lake Tahoe...were coming home in 2 days. Cant wait to see you.

Until next time, we love you all.

What is the strongest Rock in the world?

Its been a few days since my last post. Im sorry for not updating this blog sooner but we've had alot going on these past few days.

First of all i still had my mom here with us. Unfortunatly for me, i had to take her to the airport on Monday morning. Theres really no words that could express how much i appreciated her being her by our side. Not only for Kenz, but for Mit and myself. There were lots of tears when she left. And now MY crutch is back on the otherside of the States. Mom thank you for everything you did while here, and also over the phone from Carolina. You helped us keep our sanity and gave someone besides us for kenzie to get aggrevated with lol. I love you.

Sorry. Had to get that out of the way first. So as im walking around this huge campus of UC Davis, i was playing with my iphone. I like to ask Siri (iphones lil helper for all you droid people) weird questions to see what kind of answer she will give. But one popped in my head that i had to ask. "What is the strongest Rock in the world". Her answer.... Diamond.
I sat there for a minute and thought real hard. It made sense. I know ive heard it before in the past. But i did some research to see if what Siri had told me was in fact the truth. What just about every website said was that Diamond was the strongest rock/precious gem in the world because of how its atoms are arranged and so densely packed, but... It could be easily broken acrossed certain crystal planes.
So Siri did in fact lie to me. I may just have to write Apple an email and tell them to fix this Siri glitch. The reason i know this is because i know my daughter...my 3 yr old champion...is the strongest rock in the universe. Her atoms are arranged so densely that its able to form her shape. And she is by far the most precious gem this world has ever seen. And to add the exclamation point, she has no crystal planes where she could be easily broken. There is no substance this earth can throw at her to make her break. So, now known for a fact, McKenzie Eckman is the strongest Rock in the world.

Heres the much anticipated lab results from yesterday:
Red Blood Cells: 10.4 (up from 5.1)
Platlets: 68 (up from 8)
And the most important....
Leukemia Cells: 6% (down from 22%)

Not only is her body getting rid of the Leukemia amazingly fast, but shes also producing and keeping her Red Blood cells and Platlets.

I didnt post this info yesterday because i was afraid to jinx it. But 2 straight days of the same results has me feeling pretty damn good. This doesnt mean were in the clear by any means. We still have to send this into remission within 21 days. But atleast we know her getting sick after Chemo isnt just for nothing.

Im going to also attach a few photos to this post. We had a few unexpected things happen today that i would like to share with the rest of the class. First thing is that she is hose and buggy (get it?) free! They discontinued her IV that they had running into her Port/Post. No more fluid running to her 24 hours a day. No more dragging that damn rolling bag hanger/computer station/vitals sensor/pain in the butt thing around behind her. Shes finally able to roam free without looking like the bionic woman.

And with that....she was able to go outside for the first time in 12 days! She had to wear a mask, and we had to obviously keep a even closer eye than normal on her since shes super suseptable to infections and viruses. But she actually got to feel like a kid again. She got to breathe fresh air and rub her toes in the grass. It made all of us so happy.

Again this is all far from over and by no means are we even close to being in the clear....but today was a giant leap in the right direction.

On another note: we've had some more amazing nurses. I cant remember if i wrote about her already but our punk rock Nurse Danielle and our night Nurse Angela were great to have around. Also Nurses Jana and Carrie have been so helpful throughout all of this. Danielle you need to come back to work. I think Kenzie is missing you the most because shes used to her mom having that punk rock style, face piercings, and wacky hair styles.
I requested Nurse Angela twice now because shes amazingly sweet and caring. I dont think she liked me at first, but hey, i tend to grow on ya. And she was always checking up on Kenz and has come over to say hi to her on times where she wasnt our Nurse.

Lastly i have to give another kudos to Nurse Laurie and our Primary Nurse Kim.
They honestly feel like a part of the family now. I know they are not supposed to get attached to patients but i think we've become more attached to them than anything. If i could give each of them an award, id give Laurie the "Above and Beyond" award. I had a situation going on outside of all the Leukemia stuff with Kenzie, and Laurie did everything she possibly could to help. Making phone calls, talking to doctors, and just doing things some peoples own family wouldnt do. And most important, McKenzie loves her. They do this cool thing with each other where they make a heart using there fingers whenever they see each other
The one id give to Kim is the "Honarary Eckman for Life" award. We genuinly care deeply for Kim. Shes amazing. Through all of this she has been nothing but fantastic. She was off for a few days and when she returned, she got stuck with the toughest task of having to change the tape and bandages around kenzies port. Think of having to rip a adult hand sized bandaid off a 3 yr olds chest. Kim did it while giving my little girl the slighest amount of pain possible. Theres no other person (besides maybe Laurie) i would have trusted to do that. And after it was done, Kim told kenzie she had another prize for her for being so tough. She came back in with the exact same Frog flashlight that Kenzie was admiring of Kims a few days before. Kenz actually stole it from Kim the first night we were here. And it wasnt like she just happened to have another one lying around. She went out of her way to go buy one for Kenz on her day off. Who does that?? We couldnt have done this without you ladies. I cant stress that enough. The only thing else i could ever ask of you two is to please keep in touch with us. You will forever hold a place in our hearts.

So thats all for tonight. Time for bed. We have the fun day of changing Kenzies needle that goes into her Port tomorrow, then Chemo again on Thursday or Friday. Theres a small chance we can finally go home Friday. So thats what were keeping our fingers crossed for. Until next time....love you all.

No good news on Sunday

We've been getting good news back from her blood tests the past few days. But today put an end to those. Sort of.

The Chemo is doing its job. And its also making Kenzie not feel good at all. She is getting another stronger Chemo treatment today that lasts 2 hours (the first treatment the other day was only 15 minutes).

Because Chemo cant tell which cells are bad and which ones are good... It just kills them all. Thats why patients lose there hair and there mouths turn white. But with that, her red blood cells and platlets are dying off as well as the Leukemia cells.

So as of 6am this morning, her Leukemia was at 18% which is really good. On Surgery day her Leukemia was at 26%. So thats been pretty much the only good thing to happen thus far.

Her red blood cells have been steadily dropping. It got as high as 10.4 but dropped to 7.1 yesterday, and then dropped again this morning to 5.1 Then her platlets got as high as 86, then dropped to 51, 28, and then this morning dropped all the way to 8.

So today, after her Chemo treatment, she will have to do more Platlet and Hemoglobin transfusion. They will have to test her again tonight to see if shes keeping them. If not, more transfusions tomorrow.

I will keep everyone as up to date as possible. But today and the next two days are probably going to be very tough for Kenz.

Night and Day

What i thought and hoped wouldnt happen....happened.

McKenzie did great all day yesterday (thursday) after her first full Chemo treatment. I was suprised that she didnt get sick and hurting like the nurses said she would. So i thought we were in the clear. For a moment i even forgot she was sick.

But that all changed today (Friday). Of course she woke up every 1/2 hour to go potty. Thats kinda been the norm for the past few days since there pumping her with 120ml of fluid each hour. And all of her Doctors came in to check her vitals and check the post at 6am like they always do which usually wakes Kenzie up and makes her stay up for the rest of the morning.

Today was different though. She didnt want to wake up. She went right back to sleep everytime she was woken up.
That raised the first red flag for me, but i was hoping she was just exhausted like the rest of us and she would get a few extra hours of sleep. So she slept in until 9:30.
She woke up cranky like she always does. And she said she had to go potty right away. But it wasnt until Grandma came into the room that i knew today would be different. She wasnt as excited as she typically is when Grandmas here. She was extra whiney, actually complained about pain, and overall just didnt seem like Kenzie.

Thats when i knew the Chemo had taken its toll on her.
The whole day was pretty tough. She refused to take her medicine everytime we tried giving it to her. She didnt want to go to the playroom right away. Didnt want the T.V. on. Wasnt hungry. And had a hard time keeping her eyes open. Of course whenever she doesnt feel good it turns into a "I want Daddy" day (which i love btw).

She also seemed to be a little more pale and her mouth turned white. All the side effects they warned us about, that i thought we made it past, were here today.

It got to the point in the afternoon that she was sooooo tired and cranky that her and I had to sit down for a little talk. Ill show you how the conversation went in movie script fashion.

Me: Whats wrong sweetie? Are you in pain?
Kenz: i dont know Dad. No im not hurting.
Me: Are you tired?
Kenz: Nooo Daddy!
Me: Well then whats wrong baby? Why are you so cranky?
Kenz: I dont know Dad. I just am. I dont know why.
Me: Well can you not be cranky and be happy and play and have fun today?
Kenz: No Daddy! I just cant be happy. I dont want to play. I dont know why. I just dont want to be happy.

It went on like that for awhile. And it was killing me because it was a complete 180 from yesterday. I knew she couldnt help it. But she couldnt understand why she was feeling this way. She couldnt figure out why she was cranky, or why she was drained, or why nothing was making her smile.

I pride myself on turning her frowns upside down. But today nothing i was doing was working. Telling her shes sick and thats why she cant control these feelings doesnt work because in Kenzies mind.... She doesnt feel sick anymore. It was hard. Hard for all of us, especially Grandma who saw this happy go lucky little girl that just had surgery 18 hours before arriving yesterday. And now she had to see a confused little girl that couldnt figure out why she was acting the way she was.

This is what my princess will be like after Chemo for the next few years. Confused. Cranky. Drained. Emotional. And not Kenzie. But its just like i told her today... Its ok if she doesnt want to talk to Daddy for a little bit. Its ok if you want to just lay in bed by yourself. And its ok if you are cranky and dont know why. Because your getting better. Wether you feel sick or not. Your getting better.

Now i just have to lay here tonight and hope my sweet sweet kenzo is back tomorrow. Stealing hearts, giving lovies, and telling everyone they are her best friend. Because thats what she does best. And thats what her heart is fighting this medicine for.

She will be back. But her cancer will not. Already after 1 day of Chemo, her Leukemia cells went from 56% on her blood slide, down to 28%. Her red blood count went from 9.1 last night to 10.7 this morning which means she producing it herself again. Her platlets did go down alot today. But the docs kinda figured that would happen. So another transfusion is in the near future. We'll check her blood again Saturday morning and hopefully the results will come back and tell us that her Leukemia cells went even further down. Ill
make sure to post it on her as soon as i find out.

Sorry if this post is a little scattered. I think ive finally hit my wall, and can barely keep my eyes open. So im off to bed for broken sleep all night.....again. :)

Until next time. Good night.

Chemo 101

As Thursday night draws to a close, i cant help but to feel amazed. Amazed at everything.

We had another great Nurse today named Danielle. She was awesome. Kenzie loved her, and she put all of our minds at ease. Danielle had so much patience with kenz. Even when kenzie was being nosey about what she was doing, and when she wanted to push her injection in herself, and was trying to draw her own blood. Once again... another amazing Nurse from UC Davis. Cant wait til shes our Nurse again.

Kenzie did have her first full chemo treatment today. I was really nervous about it but it didnt phase her a bit. No sickness, major side effects, or constipation like they thought there would be. Another battle won by the Princess. Kenzie 2. Leukemia 0.

We also got some packages today. Just to get anything is amazing. Especially because it would help keep kenzies mind off everything. The first one we got was from Tara, my sister Jenny's friend and fellow MSU Motion Girl. Tara if your reading this...your awesome! The box you sent out was the most thoughtful, personalized presents ive ever seen. McKenzie loved the care bears dvd, Tiara, Goldfish, and everything else you and Lily sent. Thank you so much. You have been and always will be a huge part of this family.
Then Kenz got another one from Aunt Jen. Jenny im serious when i say that she hasnt put the Leap Frog Explorer down since she opened it. And the Lion from SD Zoo has been cuddled up next to her all day. Everything she got today was so unexpected, but very much appreciated. Times will be tough financially for us for awhile, so gifts for her mean everything to us. Thank you again.

Also my mom flew in today. I wish i could have got a picture of kenzies face when she saw Grandma. She did ask where Grampy Lee was shortly after and was a little bummed, but was happy Grandma made it. They got to hang out all day today and it really kept Kenzies spirits high. Im so thankfully to have MY mommy here. I needed her. Just as i hope Kenzie will continue to need me when shes my age. And just like my parents, i will jump at the chance to be there for here.

And lastly i want to thank the people in South Lake Tahoe, all of our co workers, contractors, friends, and family that have been here every step of the way. We honestly wouldnt have been able to make it this far without all of you. And thank you to everyone who put together the " McKenzie Eckman Cancer Relief Fund" at the El Dorado Banks. All the donations will help while were off work and with the gas its going to cost us to drive Kenzie 103 miles twice a week for Chemo treatments when we are finally allowed to go home.

Ill try and write another Post tomorrow, but Daddy is very tired from an extreme lack of sleep and having to wake up every 20 minutes to take Kenzie potty. So since Grandma is here, im going to utalize her and try to get some R&R.

Until next time.... We love you all!

P.S. i forgot to add this earlier... It was confirmed that her Leukemia is the ALL (Acute Lymphnode Leukemia). 90% cured rate. We have 28 days to send her leukemia into remission. If it doesnt within those 28 days, theres a good chance she could be in the 10% of being uncureable. So lets keep praying for it to happen within 28 days of the 24th.

Post about a Post

Finally....

Finally this day is over and i can let out a sigh of relief. It was probably the most stressful day of my life. I know the stress is far from over, but this was the first hurdle we had to jump, and we cleared it with no major problems.

Im sure most (if not all) of you saw my sister Jen's facebook update saying she had made it. So i thought id give a little more insight to what happened and where we stand now.

Obviously she made it through the surgery and has the post in place. It sticks out of the skin alot more than i thought it would...but as long as it keeps her healthy i dont care. And she doesnt seem to mind it.

I always knew my baby was tough. But i realized tonight that shes not a baby girl anymore. Shes a champion. A stronger willed person than most people my age. She proved that 10 fold tonight to not only myself but every staff member that was in Pre Op, Post Op, and on the 7th floor of UC Davis.

It was pretty damn funny that before she was wheeled into the O.R. she had every nurse and doctor cracking up because of how silly she was being. But thats just McKenzie. Thats what she does. Takes a serious situation, lightens the mood, and makes you smile.

After the surgery was done, and i had paced the hospital 100 times, the nurse came out and said she was asking for Daddy. That melted my heart. I knew she was ok.

After she slept in recovery for about 30 minutes, they said it was ok for her to go back to her room. While we were wheeling her upstairs she woke up for a second and told me she wanted a chocolate muffin. So i ran and got her one and met back up with them at the room. The nurse asked me to carry her from the gurney to her bed. But thats not kenzies style. Shes to strong for that. So as i went to pick her up, she yelled at me and told us she wanted to walk. And she did. After having surgery, poked in the spine and in both hips, and just waking up from a drousy morphine high...she walked by herself and hopped into her bed. It amazed everyone standing there including myself.

The whole night she never complained about pain. They redressed her port with new bandages and took her last IV out of her arm. And she took it like a champ.

So as we stand now, her red blood count is at 8. Her platlets at 68. And her spirits at 110%. She did get her first injection of chemo yesterday, but goes in for her first full treatment today (Thursday). It looks like we will be here for another 28 days or so, and i will keep you guys updated every step of the way.

Again, thank you for all the thoughts and prayers and good juju. It helped my princess pull through the first real test in our journey.

Many more to go. But shes an Eckman. We dont give up that easily. And Grandma Gallant comes into town today so im sure kenz will be all smiles.

Surgery Update

This post is going to be a bit sloppy. My hands are shaking. Waiting on word that shes ok and everything went as planned.

While we were getting ready to go into surgery, she got what they called "happy juice". Basically a Valium type liquid to make her all happy. I was trying to get her earrings out b4 they gave her the juice and she wouldnt let me. After she got the juice...it was hilarious. I got her earrings out. But it wasnt without some giggling, squirming, and laughing. It was my Kenzo. Just a really really "high" kenzo. So she was all smiles going into the O.R.

Update at 3:07. Surgeon came out and told us she took the cathator perfectly. Everything is hooked up great. And her body took it like a champ. So far so good. Just gotta wait for the spinal tap and bone marrow draw. Will update asap.

4:18- Doc just came out and said shes in recovery. Shes fine. They had some complications with the bone marrow draw. They couldnt get enough out of her right side because the leukemia cells were compacting the bone marrow. So they had to pull from the left side as well. But they eventually got enough. So she will have a little extra pain, but if thats the worst of it...im fine with that!

Thank you all for the prayers. They worked!!!

Btw... When she first opened her eyes in recovery, the first words out of her mouth were " I want my Daddy". 😊

Added update at 4:29.
Its really hard to see her like this. The port sticks out alot. But the important thing is shes fine. Ill send pics tonight. Thank you all again for ur prayers. I love you all.

The Worst Conversation

I'm having a really hard time writing this post tonight. Everything has been building up to tomorrow. Wednesday. D day. The date that we get the 100% conformation that its Acute Lymphoblastic Lukemia. The day my little girl goes "under" for a spinal tap, bone marrow draw, and surgery to insert her Cathator. And to top it all off...she has to get injected with her first round of Chemo.

It's hard not to think about all the things that could go wrong tomorrow. I try to be a very optomistic person, but everytime i close my eyes, it runs through my head. What if something goes wrong? What then? But thats not even whats bugging me the most tonight.

I want you, everyone reading this post, to think about this next section. Think about how you would handle this situation im about to present to you. And try to come up with an answer. A real answer. Im not sure if theres a right or wrong answer. But im racking my brain to come up with a better idea than what i did. So here it is:

How do you tell a 3 yr old girl...who is your everything...whos beautiful...and smart... That in a few days, she is going to lose all her hair. To tell her that this "sickness" is going to make her hair fall out in clumps. To explain that Daddy is going to have to shave her head?

Its killing me. Right now at this very moment, i have tears streaming down my face. Its final hitting me. All of this bullshit she is having to go thru is finally filtering into my brain. And i had to tell her that her beautiful hair is going to be gone soon.

She looked at me in horror. She knew Daddy was having a hard time fighting back tears. So she gave me a hug. But i had to tell her what was going to happen. I couldnt just let her wake up in a few days and half her hair was missing. I couldnt do that to her. So i tried explaining it the best i could. I told her that she was going to have to get medicine that might make her a little sick. A little tired. And a little grumpy. And that it was ok. I understood if she didnt want to talk to Daddy some days.
I tried making light of it. I explained that Daddy was going to have to cut her hair and she was going to have the same haircut as Daddy and Grandpa Lee. But we would have hats and things to put on her head if she didnt want to show her new hair cut some days.
She cried. Looking at me in the eyes...crying. She said " I dont want my hair to be all gone Daddy. I dont want your haircut. I want my hair still. Why is my hair going to be all gone"? My heart ripped in 2. I couldnt respond right away. I just wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be ok and she wasnt going to lose her hair and daddy was just joking. But i couldnt. I had to tell her the truth. So i told her it didnt matter if she had short hair, long, curly, purple, green, pink or no hair.... She would still be Gorgeous. And she will be. And Daddy is going to Bic his head when i have to do her's so shes not alone. Because shes not alone. I will always be here to do what it takes to make her more comfortable. Because thats what Daddy's do.

But there it is. The hardest conversation i never thought id have to have. Did i do the right thing? I dont know. Ill never know really. What i do know is that this hellish nightmare ive been dreaming for the past 4 days, has finally become a reality.

I continue to pray for McKenzies safety tomorrow. I pray that everything goes as planned. And i pray that this will all be over soon. With the outcome she deserves. To be a little girl again. The bouncing ball of giggles and smiles that shes always been. And i pray that until the day God says its time for ME to go, i can see my angel's face everyday.

Everyone please pray at 12:30 PST wed Jan 23rd for my daughter. Pray extra hard. I need my baby to come back to me. Back to me with that smile that sucks anyone shes ever met in... And makes them love her forever.

Thank you.

UC Davis Staff

I figured i would write this Post before the crazyness started and i forgot to do it.

Ive been to alot of hospitals over the years having lived in Michigan and California. For the most part, hospital staff are generally nice. You occasionally get the person that woke up with a stick jammed in a place we wont discuss. But i would say typically 80% of medical staff are pleasent.

So far... UC Davis staff have not been the norm that im used to. They are above and beyond nice. This hospital must use the personality index tests that we use at my work when hiring new people because its constant. Every single person is exeptional. They all care. They all genuinly WANT to see your child get better. Its amazing to me.
Our primary nurse is named Kim. She is the most kind hearted person ive ever met. And Kenzie absolutly loves her. She doesnt talk to Kenz like shes a baby. She talks like they have been friends for years. Kim checks up on Kenzie more than any Nurse ive come across. She told me that after the first night, McKenzie stole her heart (not suprising cuz kenzie steals everyones heart lol). But you can actually see that she has. Unfortunatly for us, Kim is our night time nurse...so we really only get to see her for half her shift.
One thing that Kim did that i thought was above and beyond the job was this: our first night here, kenz had to have another IV put in. They had to poke her twice, but eventually got it in. Kenzie let out a pretty big scream because it hurt her. And you could tell Kim was upset that she hurt her new friend. So after Kenzie calmed down, Kim walkedback into our room with a brand new Tinkerbell doll still in the box. She apologized to Kenz for hurting her and gave her a big hug. That gesture right there will forever stick in my brain. I was honestly taken back. But everytime Kim is here, McKenzie has to tell her she loves her and that Kim is her best friend. Kim...you have been our Angel through all of this. Not only what you do for my daughter, but the ease you bring to me when your here...cuz i know shes in exceptional care. Thank you.
Our other favorites have been Nurse Laurie, Dr. Shenoy, another Nurse Kim, our primary doc Dr. Balagtas (spelling?), and the volunteers in the playroom.

Nurse Laurie is just as awesome as Nurse Kim. Kenzie had such a blast with her and i think Laurie had an equal amount of fun with my baby. Again... Laurie doesnt talk to her like a baby which i honestly think makes a huge difference to her being comfortable with the staff. Laurie was our daytime nurse so Kenzie got to see alot of her. They goofed off together, talked about coloring and puppies, and she truley made Kenz happy. We've only seen her one day, but kenz still talks about her. She was gentle with the IV's and drawing blood. And she was always there when we needed her. I believe she said she had 3 girls at home, and you can totally tell shes an awesome mom. Nurse Laurie...thank you. You were amazing with Kenz and i know all of us look forward to you being our Nurse again soon.

As for the other Nurse Kim and the Doc's mentioned above, you guys have been great as well. I would have never expected to be treated the way we have been so far. Obviously this is an extremely difficult time for me and my family, and im blessed to have you all in our corner. I feel so comfortable with my daughter being taken care of by all of you because of how amazing you all are. I dont think there is another hospital in this world that has as Phenominal of staff as they do here at UC Davis. I cant thank them enough for all that they have, and continue to do.
God forbid anything like this ever happens to you or your child, but if it does, theres no other hospital id reccomend going to. You and/or your child will be treated like a part of the family.

If you donate to charities...please keep UC Davis in mind. They are slways in need of blood, bone marrow, platlets, clothes, books, videos...etc. And they truley deserve it. This situation could have been so much more difficult had we not come here. Thank God we did.

Updates and Plans

Right now its 1:30am on Monday morning. Im starting to realize that "sleep" is going to become a 5 letter word that i rarely use or get to see.
Everyone has told me that sleep is the most important thing right now for the parents. But let me tell you.... Its damn near impossible for me.
I find myself wanting to spend every second i can with Kenz. Even if she is sleeping, just the fact that i can watch her breathe, and move, and dream makes me want to stay awake. Plus my brain just feels way to busy to be able to sleep.
So parents who have been here... I understand. And i dont blame you at all. Im sure my body will eventually MAKE me go to sleep. But until that happens, im going to spend moments like these getting my thoughts out and watching my princess.

There has been some really great news today. Kenzie hasnt had to be poked or prodded at all. She only has to have blood drawn every 12 hours now instead of every 4 hours like it was when we first arrived.
Her red blood cell count went up today. When we first arrived at UC Davis her red blood cells were at 3.1. After the 2 blood transfusions yesterday, it went up to 3.9. Then amazingly today they tested it again and it jumped up to 7.8. So shes actually creating red blood cells herself which is amazing.
Her platlets also went up. She had 1 transfusion yesterday and went from 7 to 68. Her platlets need to get a little bit higher before we can go through our plans for the week. But so far shes taking to the transfusions like a fish to water.

The plans for this week:
Monday is our paperwork day. I have to sign all the papers for the surgeries and treatments and kenz gets to relax and play.
Tuesday is our last relax day b4 hell starts. So im going to ask if i can take her off her IV's for a few hours and atleast walk her outside or maybe take her on a lil drive.
Wed was the day that they were going to start the surgery, but now its pushed back to Thursday. So Wed will be testing day. Lots of tests to make sure her blood and platlets are where they need to be. Then no food or drink at night.
Thursday is going to be the hardest day on me....and im sure her. They are going to put her "under" and do a spinal tap and draw some bone marrow from her pelvis area. They also decided to put a central cathator (sorry about spelling) in at the same time as the other procedures because she will already be out and it will be much easier then putting her under the next day.
At the time they put the port in, they will inject her with her first kemo session. Thats what scares me the most.
Still dont know whats planned for Friday, Saturday and Sunday...but im sure they will tell us soon.

So thats all i have for now. Im going to try and do some laps around the hospital so my mind gets tired and maybe i can find that fake thing called "sleep".

Until next time..... I wish you wonderful dreams. Thank you for the continued support and prayers. Its obviously working on her perfectly.

The Begining

I created this blog not only to keep all of our family and friends up to date on McKenzies condition, but also to help me get all these feelings, emotions and thoughts out of my head. Im afraid if i wasnt able to do that id go insane.
Theres many things you worry about as a parent. You try to keep your child safe no matter what the costor circumstance. And for the past 3-1/2 years i think ive done a pretty damn good job of that. So when we found out on the horrible friday afternoon that my baby...my pride and joy...my soul... had been diagnosed with Lukemia, my heart literally tore into two pieces.
You never think something like this will happen to you. Hell, the thought never even crossed my mind. But now thats its here, now that its true, theres nothing to do but battle.
We will beat this "C" because were fighters. Because shes strong (stronger than me). And because its not her time.

So this is my treatment while she goes through her treatment. We will do this together. And with everyone of you who follows and reads this... I hope i convey this good enough so you can feel what we feel. So you can see how strong she is. And so you can share our story with the world.
This blog WILL have a happy ending. There will be tears along the way. But we will end this Crusade with tears of joy and the memory of family, friends, and a town coming together to join a beautiful girls fight to survive.
Thank you for going on this journey with us. I hope you stay along with us for this crazy ride we call life.